Date: Thu Sep 20, 2001 2:43 pm
Subject: The Chronicles of Jane – September 2001
<< Dear Friends: The tragedy that struck our lives last week will most likely change all of us forever. Here at See Jane Run we spent most of the week focused on the television with the desperate need to connect with our family and friends from around the world; most especially those in NYC. The majority of us here originate from NY, this includes our very own Jane, the author of the witty and insightful emails we send every month. Most of you are not aware of this, but Jane is actually a real person who has a life outside of SJR, lives in NY and works on Wall Street.
Before this tragedy, Jane was going to write to you about how you can help in the fight against breast cancer and what we at See Jane Run Sports are doing for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. She did not want to let this message to get lost now that our attention has been pulled to the people in NYC. The battle against breast cancer goes on, and Jane has found a way to get the word out even though she is going through her own personal struggle. I hope we can all find strength and meaning behind the events last week and most importantly continue to have compassion towards all people. Below, Jane has outlined our SJR News as well as her own personal account on Tuesday. Our hearts are with all of you.
Lori Shannon and Staff, See Jane Run Sports>>
I wish I could write my usual frivolous and frisky newsletter this month, but I’m afraid I’m just not feeling my fabulous self. The world and our lives are not the same. In fact, under the circumstances, I want to speak with you heart to heart, which, I’m afraid, entails my revealing a bit about who I really am. Don’t be mistaken! There IS, of course, a real Jane — my alter ego.
I will go on with SJR news right now, but please read on for a few notes on my experience Tuesday, September 11th in NYC as well as a few personal notes to you, the glorious women who love life…
I, Ms. Jane, have another life as a conference director on Wall Street in New York (In fact, I put on an annual conference in SF – that’s how I know Ms. Lori). If you know NYC geography, you might know that Wall Street is pretty close to what was the World Trade Center. I don’t wish to diminish the reality of people in other regions of the US. Just know that the footage on TV hardly represents the demolition of the landscape or the look of complete bewilderment on the faces of New Yorkers – a people known for their knowledge of everything.
Tuesday morning around 8AM as I tried to decide which outfit would provide the most impact in an important meeting later yet would still accent my eyes, I would have never imagined that in about an hour I would see the worst act of violence a person could ever imagine. As I stepped out of the subway near Broadway and Fulton Streets, there seemed a mad rush of people screaming. I ran onto the street wondering what the heck was going on. “A bomb!” one person yelled. “A plane hit the World Trade Center!” another yelled. Finally the truth from a third witness — “ANOTHER plane just hit the World Trade Center!” I looked up to see both towers blazing, bits and pieces flying everywhere. My jaw dropped and I was paralyzed. People from the World Trade Center (WTC) began to gather on this street having just run from the inferno, having just survived. As we gathered we began to speculate — This must have been intentional. It was no mistake.
I stood for awhile gathering trying to make some sense. It just didn’t seem real! After 20 minutes of shock, I decided to head for my office which is another block away from the WTC. It seemed a safe enough plan. However, as I emerged from a deli where I’d gotten some peanut butter toast (I was hungry!), I ran into a hoard of people running and screaming. I asked someone what was going on! “Another building just blew up!” I couldn’t know at the time that the truth was that the first tower collapsed. As I saw a ball of smoke 6 stories high hurtling down the street towards us, I ran and screamed too, thought bombs were going to drop out of the sky, thought I was going to die.
I didn’t know where I was running, just away from danger. I saw the Brooklyn Bridge ahead and decided safety lay in Brooklyn. I pulled my shirt over my face and found my way through the smoke with the other lost souls — covered in soot, dazed, terrified. As I made it about 1/4 way across and the smoke had cleared a bit, I heard a rumble and turned around to see the second (and final) giant tower pancake to the ground. The grand towers that had always helped to orient me in my direction in Manhattan were suddenly gone. I realized at that very moment… thousands of people had been killed.
There were no taxis or subways running. Besides, I wanted to stay outside where I could see the sky, so I walked the next five miles to my home in Brooklyn along with the masses of other “Financial Center” workers who looked more like third world refugees. Women had traded in their pumps for Chinatown slippers for the trek home. As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on the news to see what really happened. I found out about terrorism, hijacking, Pennsylvania, the Pentagon… Then I called my family to tell them I was alive. My peanut butter toast sat cold on the floor. Eating was not possible.
Since first seeing the towers destroyed I have feared germ warfare (did I breathe in Anthrax?) and bombs falling out of nowhere. I wonder if I’ll ever fly again. I jump at loud noises and am constantly looking up for planes. I hear success stories of friends who made it out of the WTC in the nick of time, and miserable stories of friends still missing. I have nightmares.
I theorize: I seek to understand how acts of violence and destruction could enter my relatively quiet life. Alternately, I examine how, as an individual, I might have contributed to an unpeaceful world, examined any hateful thoughts, deeds, or words. I feel angry at the attackers while I try to be aware of their reality, to understand our differences. Eventually confusion and fear will fade and my life, our lives will go on — though not unchanged.
Now I pray that our leaders will find the most gentle solution in order to seek peace. I pray for all of our safety and comfort. As women of the US, I hope we can use our strong sense of interpersonal communication to teach peace, perhaps one day we will find a creative solution to violence.
I’ve always believed that SF is one of the warmest places on this planet. For a story on how the Bay Area has helped out, click on http://www.redcross.org/news/ds/0109wtc/010911wtc_pa.html
There are yet many, many more ways to help the victims. Luckily the US is a rich country and we can afford to recover — whether you give with kind words, a few dollars, or volunteer time, the American Red Cross is a good place to start. Visit http://www.redcross.org.
My friends, I hope only to return soon as the effervescent Jane, full of fanciful commentary on health, fitness and diva-ness. But for now, we mourn and howl in grief. I wish love and serenity for all of you, my dear, dear friends.
XOXO
Jane